Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
