They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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