I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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