I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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