Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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