Dual....:-)
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
