just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
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so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
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YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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