You can't motorboat a personality
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize