You're so nebulous sometimes
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
