remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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