In the future we'll all be gay
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
