i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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