Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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