Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
