at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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