just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
