So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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