hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
