i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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