She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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