Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
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Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
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So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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