where am i from again
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Who died my cat blue again?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
