Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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