PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
