Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
