wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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