I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
