Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
