his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
