Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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