if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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