I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
