If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
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They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
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He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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