dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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