Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Are we in a gay sports bar?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
