Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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