she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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