He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
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puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
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the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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