You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
