Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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