Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
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I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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