i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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