your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
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He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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