oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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