Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
