He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
