Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
All I want is dick and wine.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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