he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
