bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
