my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
smell my finger.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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