Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
