he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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