ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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