What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
