also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
