At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
