I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
