So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
