My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
