i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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