I just saw a hot homeless man
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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