I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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