Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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