no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
