I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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