so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
