Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
