i jhust puked up my retainher.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
