its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize