you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
