dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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