True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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