My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot