Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.