I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.