Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him