1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!