last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Less talking, more tequila
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
